Category: Humour
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Edward Bulwer-Lytton
Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton (May 25, 1803–January 18, 1873) was a dark and stormy English playwright, novelist, poet, and author of most-high renown, widely honoured and much acclaimed by contemporaries of his age, but also by the adoration of the common man—not simply in celebration of the rare and exceptional nature of…
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How To Speak Tamarian
Too stupid to learn Klingon? Relax! Have you been rejected by the Über-nerds at Star Trek Conventions? Rejoice! Tamarian is the language spoken by the Children of Tamar, first heard in the episode “Darmok” from the fifth season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Unlike traditional earth speech, it relies on metaphor and allegory to…
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Richard M. Stallman
Richard Malodorous Stallman (also known as “rms” or “GNU/Stallman“) is the author and most prominent proponent of the Grand Unified Theory of Free & Accessible Technology (GUTFAT), and the founder of the GNU. GNU is a clever and descriptive but decidedly non-recursive acronym standing for Generally Not Used. Essentially, rms’s theory states that it is…
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‘Grandpa Munster’ Al Lewis undead at 95
I thought that cheesy Dracula outfit was just camp. ~ Lon Chaney NEW YORK (UNN) — Al Lewis, washed-up ex-television star of the 1964-66 program “The Munsters” died on Friday, for approximately 3 minutes. He was 95. Lewis, a frequent diner and the proprietor of the Greenwich Village restaurant, Grandpa’s, was attacked by an irrate diner…
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Canadian content
Canadian content (also called The MAPL System) is a social program introduced by the Canadian Government in the 1970’s in an attempt to reduce the number of Canadian musicians and other artsy-fartsy creative types receiving Unemployment Insurance payments, Welfare, and other forms of social assistance. Prehistory In the beginning (well… before now), there was Paul…
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St. Ignucius
Ancient Scripture And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Gateus Billionus, that all software should be licensed. And all went to be registered, every one into his (or her) own city. And Joseph also went up from Grand Coulee (missing Moses Lake completely) into King County,…
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The Night After Christmas
Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house Was an orgy of presents, worth more than… the house; The Xbox was stuffed up the chimney with care, For fear that the repo-man soon would be there; My mind, it was pondering, while laying in bed, A vision of bankruptcy danced in my head;…
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Tom Servo
Tom Servo is a major literary figure of the 20th century, as well as a champion of appliance equal rights. Born as Thomas Çerveaux on an assembly line in Cuisinart, France, he fled the country at a young age when appliances who did not conform to government standards were fried at high voltages. He anglicised…
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The Truth About Teapots
Origin Teapots are thought to have been originally native to England. However, due to smuggling, illegal export, black market trading, the Harding Administration, and backyard breeding, they are now scattered throughout the world. Mistreatment Historically, teapots have been thoroughly mistreated by humankind: forced to do menial tasks such as actually pouring tea. There are reports…