Mostly Ignored
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The Norton Anthology of Poetry, Vogon Edition
Platypus Fratundling lightly through the grass, Urply slumltry o’er hills; Plurdled quaypoofs emitting gas, Turgid pea that once was Bill’s, For nonce, for thee, For shame, debris, Waddled pomorphousising fetid puce Formless poit by mangled goose Drunkish foobly stare By the garden gate A razed platypus do contemplate. Ode to a Small Lump of Green…
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The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged near a neighbourhood, Packed with cars from bumper to bumper; I parked my car, beside it I stood, Then walked to the bridge, close as I could, Near the others watching the jumper; But waiting made me weak and weary, Worsened further by the falling rain, With spirits low and vision bleary;…
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Shall I Compare Thee
Shall I compare thee to a Winter’s day? Thou art more unpleasant and more frigid: Rough skin doth shape thy sagging breasts of grey, And thine icy touch doth not leave me rigid: Sometimes the bright glare of hot flashes shine, And often am I burned within thy midst; The seasons they change as thy…
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I Wandered Lonely Through A Cloud
I wandered lonely through a cloud, Adrift through rooms and crowded halls When all at once I blew one loud; A mighty wind that shook the walls Its pungent scent made all the greater, Standing in this elevator Continuous are the stares that show Displeasure at my odorous way, Wrinkled noses, glares of woe, Expressions…
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The Tragically Hip
The Tragically Hip is a self-help support group founded in 1983 as an oasis for sufferers of debilitating personal magnetism. History of the Movement Gordon the Conqueror In 1982, Gord Downie was just another anonymous resident of Kingston, Ontario. Or at least he would have been, had he not been so inordinately cool. Mornings…
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The Vagina Monologues
“The worst puppet show ever!” ~ Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times “Three solid hours of Eve Ensler and her posse…” ~ Noel Coward, famous playwright The Vagina Monologues is the award-winning sequel to the staggeringly popular The Scrotum Soliloquies, and was written especially for the lips not legally kissable in public… except possibly in Amsterdam, the…
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Ecky-Thump
“That proves it, doesn’t it? You said he was dead! It’s like Chinese food, this is. Half an hour later you have to kill him again!” ~ The Grand Master of Ecky-Thump on Kung Fu “I still shudder when I think about the warrior who came up behind me, and the thwacking he gave me…
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Fake announcer voice
You’ve heard it. Usually it’s late at night, after all the really good radio announcers have gone home; but, if you live in a small town, the voice might be coming from the morning disc jockey, or “the drive home show” guy. Diagnosis Even for the casual listener, the fake announcer voice (or FAV) is…
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Heywood Banks
Heywood Banks is an American comedian, musician and financial advisor. Some of his most popular songs include “Toast”, “Wiper Blades” and “How to get Free Money from the United States Government”. Birth Born under the name “Matthew Lesko”, Heywood was a child of the Great Depression of the 1940s. His father had lost everything after…