Tag: fake biography
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The Tragically Hip
The Tragically Hip is a self-help support group founded in 1983 as an oasis for sufferers of debilitating personal magnetism. History of the Movement Gordon the Conqueror In 1982, Gord Downie was just another anonymous resident of Kingston, Ontario. Or at least he would have been, had he not been so inordinately cool. Mornings…
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Heywood Banks
Heywood Banks is an American comedian, musician and financial advisor. Some of his most popular songs include “Toast”, “Wiper Blades” and “How to get Free Money from the United States Government”. Birth Born under the name “Matthew Lesko”, Heywood was a child of the Great Depression of the 1940s. His father had lost everything after…
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Linus Torvalds
Linus Torvalds is a self-admitted foreigner to American soil and a known Communist seeking to undermine the foundation of western society by giving away software that he should rightfully charge dozens of dollars for, were he a true-blooded American and not some Finnish pinko commie bastard. Conception/Inception “Why yes, I am God. I just assume…
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Garrison Keillor
Garrison Keillor or simply GK is a commonly available sleeping aid, derived from N-pr-odiazepine, and marketed under brand names Lakewobegonium®, Prairiehomecompanium® and Writersalmanacium®. History After making cookies this is what he does. A highly effective sedative, the effects of GK were first observed in the early 1960s in small test runs at the University of…
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Rock Hudson
Rock Hudson (November 17, 1925 – October 2, 1985?) is an American actor, famous for his manly, lumberjack appearance and an unwavering masculinity that makes sissy-boy Johnny-come-latelies like Vin Diesel look like tea-tray boys or beauty parlour estheticians in comparison. Biography By special arrangement with Almighty God Himself, Rock Hudson was born “Roy Harold Scherer…
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Oscar Mayer
Early Years Not surprisingly, Oscar Mayer was born in Bavaria, Germany, the hotbed of tubular meat since the first ancient butchers looked down at the rubble of discarded organs and miscellaneous shavings at their feet and pondered, “How can I sell this?” Like most Bavarians, and indeed like most young boys worldwide, young Oscar’s fascination…
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Fozzie Bear
Fozzie Bear is an entertainment-industry veteran, and the star of a number of groundbreaking shows including Grizzly Adams, Mututal of Omaha’s Wilde Kingdom, and the 1979 John Frankenheimer film Prophecy. The Early Years Still erroneously believed to have been the sole handiwork of famed muppeteer Jim Henson in 1975, Fozzie was actually born in 1972…
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William Shatner on William Shatner
“A true pilot must of necessity pay attention to the seasons, the heavens, the stars, the winds, and everything proper to the craft if he is really to rule a ship.” ~ William Shatner (excerpt from TekRepublik p. 487) William Shatner is the de facto philosopher king of the Utopian nation of Canada. His wit and wisdom became intrinsically…
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Pittsburgh Pirates
The name Pittsburgh Pirates refers to both the athletic club and the alumni of Pirate University (Pittsburgh)—a major league academic institution dedicated to the furtherance of piracy arts and sciences, and the preservation of pirate heritage into the 21st century. A second campus, Pirate University Tampa Bay, opened in 1976—on the 100th Anniversary of the…