Mostly Ignored
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Canadian content
Canadian content (also called The MAPL System) is a social program introduced by the Canadian Government in the 1970’s in an attempt to reduce the number of Canadian musicians and other artsy-fartsy creative types receiving Unemployment Insurance payments, Welfare, and other forms of social assistance. Prehistory In the beginning (well… before now), there was Paul…
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St. Ignucius
Ancient Scripture And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Gateus Billionus, that all software should be licensed. And all went to be registered, every one into his (or her) own city. And Joseph also went up from Grand Coulee (missing Moses Lake completely) into King County,…
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The Night After Christmas
Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house Was an orgy of presents, worth more than… the house; The Xbox was stuffed up the chimney with care, For fear that the repo-man soon would be there; My mind, it was pondering, while laying in bed, A vision of bankruptcy danced in my head;…
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Tom Servo
Tom Servo is a major literary figure of the 20th century, as well as a champion of appliance equal rights. Born as Thomas Çerveaux on an assembly line in Cuisinart, France, he fled the country at a young age when appliances who did not conform to government standards were fried at high voltages. He anglicised…
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The Truth About Teapots
Origin Teapots are thought to have been originally native to England. However, due to smuggling, illegal export, black market trading, the Harding Administration, and backyard breeding, they are now scattered throughout the world. Mistreatment Historically, teapots have been thoroughly mistreated by humankind: forced to do menial tasks such as actually pouring tea. There are reports…
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Fecal E.Coli
Fecal E.Coli is the flagship product of the legendary Coca Coli Company. History In March, 1886, John Fecalshed was a poor dairyman in danger of losing his family farm. Pestilence had wrought illness within his herds and literally flooded the fields with diarrhea. Unable to afford to hire extra hands, the arduous task of cleanup…
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Franco-American War
Chronology March 13, 1982 A military force under the command of General Hector Boiardi (Italy) notifies the White House of its intention to launch an invasion of the mainland United States. US President Ronald Reagan puts the nation on alert and mobilizes all branches of the armed forces to create a defense perimeter and round-the-clock…
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The Truth About Proctology
Proctology is the branch of science encompassing the exploration and charting of deep crevasses, folds, flaps, abysses, fissures, caverns, chasms, gorges, holes, pits, and voids. History Proctology, like many other modern scientific disciplines can trace its roots back to Ancient Greece. It began, rather humbly, with pairs of friends exchanging impromptu examinations with the tools…
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To Be Announced
“I like ’em. They’re like, really good, eh?”” ~ Geddy Lee One of several musical groups given the moniker of “Canadian Power Trio” (despite the fact that they often have more than three members), To Be Announced (often shortened to TBA) is distinguished by their unique omnipresence — the ability to play multiple shows at…